Hi, my name is Grant Rynders. This is my testimony of how Christ has given my life purpose and saved me from my insecurities and fears. I pray that it is encouraging to someone, somewhere.

There is a brilliant quote from C.S. Lewis that has defined my life

There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, in the end, "Thy will be done." All that are in Hell, choose it. Without that self-choice there could be no Hell. No soul that seriously and constantly desires joy will ever miss it. Those who seek find. To those who knock it is opened.

― C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce

I grew up in an environment saturated with the best of Christianity

God was running after me to claim me as His, but my soul was faster: and it was not going to settle for a boring testimony.

Growing up, I was a shy, homeschooled kid that mainly hung around with a few friends from church. I was an obedient, got good grades, and tried not to get into people's way. Early in highschool, I started working at Kroger and got more exposure to the wider world. As a proud presbyterian I felt wise in my scriptural knowledge, and as of yet unchallenged in my conviction, I felt confident in my strength of character. And thus, my life coasted for quite a while across smooth waters, but God had other plans.

Though I felt I was walking the same path with God, in retrospect, I was really just there since it was convenient and comfortable, and as soon as I caught a wiff of the enticing aroma of the world, I tore off like a badly trained dog.

Just as I felt I had hit my stride on this path of my own, God knew the only way he could catch me was if in my confident swagger I tripped myself up, and boy did the fall hurt.

Midway through Highschool, I found myself waste-deep in the mire of porn addiction. The slippery slope of sin and addiction is one that is easy to continue down, and very hard to climb up. No one in my life told me it would be cool or adviseable to do it. I knew all about the consequences going in, and I still did it.

The shame that followed was incredibly destructive to my mental health. I felt like a worthless fraud: if I could not uphold this image of righteousness that I had attached to myself, I was a waste of space. Yet, I did not want to die. It too was a fearful thing; I did not trust that God would accept me, and feared rejection from Him who I had felt so close to all my life.

As a Software Engineer, I operated under if-then logic and a utilitarian perspective for everything. If I could not overcome this one hurdle, then I was unfit for heaven and worthless.

I struggled on my own, thinking I could find my own way out of the pit I had dug myself

Then, in his boundless grace, God put out his hand.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us

―Hebrews 12:1 (ESV)

In 2022, I got to experience one of my favorite stories ever: Xenoblade Chronicles 3. Xenoblade 3 among many things is a lesson about the "endless now", the selfish and complacent desire for all to remain as it is forever. The pursuit of one's one happiness over all things: to keep this selfish illusion alive for just one more moment. I resonated with this story in an impactful way and I began to see how my pursuit of myself was ruining my life. If I spent my life giving into mindless passion and trying to keep up a facade of righteousness, I could never truly grow, never love others as they ought.

It had all been about my own comfort, about making myself feel justified and secure

Then, in my last year of highschool, in the small group of guys I had been with for several years, something happened. One day, someone in my group had the courage to open up about his struggle with porn addiction, and I and several others followed suite. Though I would continue to struggle with that problem, in that moment, God had turned a corner in my life. God had split the crack in my hardened heart wide open.

I was not "fixed" but God had turned me to Himself.

I felt the overwhelming power of God's grace to use one as riddled with shame, pride, and confusion as I.

I did not have to justify myself, I had already been justified.

I was going about my life all wrong. I thought in order to be a Christian I first had to make myself perfect, but committing your life to Christ has no requirement but a repentant and willing heart. I could stop washing the blood of my sins off my hands and start moving forward, living the life God called me to.

To all who need encouragement, God is real: more than any of us can understand. We are worthless and guilty and it is the most freeing truth of all.

God gave us the freewill to decline him, to be horrible, and to bring more guilt upon ourselves every day.

But that is the beauty of life.

God would not settle for an army of righteous robots that have no choice but to do good, an army of arranged marriages with spouses who do not truly "love" Him.

God wants YOU! He wants a personal relationship with you. He wants to make you into the version of yourself that you cannot achieve alone. He doesn't want a trillion harp-playing slaves: he wants sons and daughters.

Every moment of our lives is overflowing with more meaning than our weak vessels can contain. If God has kept you alive, He has a plan for tomorrow. If God has put you in a place, He has a plan for you in it. If God has put someone in your life, God has a plan for them too. If it feels God is gone or has given you up to the world, remember that there is no thing that God takes away that he will not return more glorious and beautiful than we could imagine.

Where God leads we find our truest path, the fullest version of ourselves.

This...is the truth of our world.

Memories melt in the morning light, and then, a new day begins.

Roads stretch out before us. So many paths.

Which do you choose? That's up to you.

Sometimes, you might run astray.

You'll stop, maybe cry in frustration.

But, you know, that's all right.

For the roads... They go on without end.

So look up, face forward, toward your chosen horizon...

And just...

walk on.

― Noah, Xenoblade Chronicles 3

So . . . what path is God calling you to? What is stopping you now from taking the next step, from looking Christ in the eyes and walking onto the long path that leads to a love greater than all of us?